You Can't Make This Stuff Up

"Mama as I was flushing the toilet Sam threw a hair clip in there and it went down!!!"
1.) What was Sam doing with you in the bathroom?
2.) How did Sam get a hair clip?
3.) It's too late, it's gone. No, there is no getting it back.

That is how my morning started. See, things go from calm to crazy in .2 seconds around here. Sadly, it doesn't usually go that way in reverse. It takes a long time to go from crazy to calm.

So, it's still pretty crazy. Like when the smoke detectors decided to go off for no good reason (aka the batteries need changing). The girls were watching tv and Sam was eating a snack of cherries when the screeching started. And it can't be just one, nooo, thankyoutechnology, they ALL have to go off. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. Have I mentioned that I have a toddler who is not fond of loud noises? I'm pretty sure he wet his pants as his eyes welled up with tears and those crocodiles started rolling down his cheeks. The girls on the couch are covering their ears and saying "make is stop, what is that, make it stop mommy." Oh baby girl, if I had magical powers right now you had better believe I would have blown those things to smithereens. (Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the life saving smoke detector, and my magical powers would have replaced them after I calmed down.)

I go in search of the batteries and I am super duper ever so grateful to my husband who bought 50 billion last time this fiasco happened, which was in the middle of the night. I push my dining room chair around climbing up and down with TERRIFIED toddler in tow, I'm pretty sure even if I had tried to put him down he would have stuck to me like super glue. I change out batteries in three detectors. Then I realize I have to change them in 2 rooms with cathedral ceilings. Oh pretty ceilings, I could not loathe you more at this very minute. So I go outside and I lug in the beast of a ladder we have into the master bedroom and as I open it tiny frogs start hopping off. REALLY?!? REALLY?? Did I mention that we have an appraisal for our house tomorrow? I'm sure that's just what we want him to find, an infestation of tiny jumping reptiles. I put crazy toddler down because he thinks it's great fun to watch mommy chase frogs all over the room. At least he's not crying anymore. Am I being punked? Where is the camera? Good thing I'm not squeamish about that kind of stuff, score one for growing up in the country. I catch all the frogs. I hope. Then proceed to change the battery. ugh. Just one more.

I move on to the girls room with the ladder for those beautiful cathedral, ihateyousomuchrightnow, ceilings, and I manage to mark a few closet doors, with the beast, on the way. Did I mention that I recently spent about 2 weeks painting this house and we have an appraiser coming tomorrow? Sigh. I climb the ladder with an audience of 3 and change the last battery. As I come down the ladder I notice I forgot to wipe wild cherry toddler's hands and he left a lovely red trail for me to follow. Thank goodness we bought the washable paint! Seriously, I might have lost my mind a little. I wiped all the cherries off easily and magic erased the marks off the closets.

And now it's calm. Like the storm never even came through. Except I stand here and type with adrenaline fury like I just finished coding somebody. Nobody died here today folks, it's a good day.