My Dear Boy

Dearest Samuel,

Yesterday you climbed up the ladder on Gpa's playground all by yourself. You walked over, sat down, and slid down the slide. All. By. Youself. You aren't even 18months old yet. I'm really not ready for this. I'm pretty sure you were just born last week. So I sit wide eyed, just staring at you. Your soft blond hair. Your little legs, slightly bowed, moving as fast as they can carry you. Your sweet laugh echoing all around. You run to play with Bixie, throwing the ball for her a few times. Then you run back to the playground, climb that new accomplishment with pure delight all over your face. And I can't even blink. I know when I blink you're going to be 18 and going off to college. So I watch.

There is so much I want to say to you. There is so much I hope for you to do and become. Last night after you were fast asleep, totally worn out from your adventurous day, I watched you. I watched your chest rise and fall with each sweet breath. I watched your peaceful face. I watched your small hands curled up around your face. And then I did something I rarely do. I picked you up out of your slumber. I sat down in the rocking chair in your dark room and held you. You're so busy these days. Snuggles and cuddles are far from your mind. So, I held you and I watched you and I prayed for you. I felt your warm heavy body peacefully relax back into dreamland. And I rocked. My back hurt and my neck cramped, but I didn't want the moment to be over.

I prayed for you to be kind and gentle and strong and bold. I prayed for you to have wisdom. I prayed that you will treat all people with respect and dignity and love. I prayed you would have a heart of compassion for the poor and hurting. I prayed that you would have a heart of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I prayed that everywhere you go you will bring smiles and hope in the name of Jesus. I prayed for you stand strong in the face of adversity and trials, because they will come. I prayed for you to always know you are loved and cherished. I love you more than my very own breath. I prayed that you will laugh and love and enjoy this life. But I also prayed that you will always be humble enough bend your knees in prayer and in apology as needed. I prayed you will use the talents God gives you for His glory.

You see sweet boy, I don't care if you're a famous baseball player or doctor or lawyer. I don't care if you if you're a mechanic or factory worker or truck driver. I care that you find your relationship with Jesus and it's always the focus in your life. Of course, I want you to succeed. I want you to go to college and have a career. But most importantly I want you to do what God calls you to do.
Even if it's hard.
Even if you don't fully understand it.
Even if it's not what I want.
Because God is good.
All the time He is good.
And though I love you with all that I am, He loves you more.

So sleep on precious boy. Sleep and dream big dreams to change the world. And I laid him back in his crib with a thankful heart overflowing my eyes.
Lindsey