All About the Pentiums: Confessions Part 1

Confessions Part 1. 

The first 6 years or so of my IT career were spent working at helpdesk for a bank and a brief 2 month stint with Polo Ralph Lauren.  

I’m sure you’ve all heard some funny tech support stories via email, such as people using the CD-ROM as a cup holder or using the mouse as a microphone. I am here to assure you that they are all most likely true. Since tales from tech support tend to amuse people and give good insight into human nature I thought I would share some of mine. 

People would call in with computer problems or questions and I would do my best to get them resolved in a timely manner. In my time there I probably averaged 75 or so calls a day, with a person best of 215 on one particularly busy day. At the bank we were pushed to get the problem resolved while on the phone during the initial call. The techs we dispatched were contract employees and they got paid per ticket, so overall it was cheaper if we could solve it over the phone. Also, the dispatch techs didn’t like having their time wasted with tickets that should have been resolved over the phone. We would get a lot of calls for things that people could do themselves, but corporate policy prevented them from, such as placing a service call on a copier or a fax machine or having security come out to change locks. 

“You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they treat people they don't have to treat well.” – Owen Davian

First off, about 90% of the people I talked (closer to 75% at Polo) were nice. They understood that they needed help and that I was there to help them. Then there was the other percentage that were angry (for whatever reason), and liked to take it out on the person on the phone who couldn’t fight back, because they would get in trouble if they did. 

This is the person who would call in asking for help and then start arguing with you, that what you told them isn’t the way to fix it or how that wasn’t the corporate policy. Pointing out where the specific policy was in their handbook just made them angrier and they would demand to speak to a supervisor. You hand them off to a supervisor who smooths everything over and gets the issue resolved. 

At least that’s how the irate user viewed it. To quote Adrian Monk “Here’s what happened.”

Glen: Yes, now I need you to reboot your workstation please.
User: No, I have to reboot this thing all the time! I want a computer that doesn’t need rebooting! This is all your fault!
Glen: The changes we made won’t take effect until you reboot. Once you reboot you should be able to access your program as normal.
User: NO! YOU ARE WRONG! I HATE COMPUTERS! I WANT A TYPEWRITER!
Glen: I’m sorry you feel that way but if I can just get you to…
User: I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR THIS INSTANT!
Glen: Please Hold.
*I place the caller on hold and then go to the bathroom and come back*
Glen: Hey Mark (guy in cubicle next to me) want to be my supervisor?
Mark: Sure. Send them over.
*Mark takes call*
Mark: This is (fictional name). How may I be of assistance?
User: That person I was just talking to is a horrible human being and all my problems are his fault!
Mark: I’m sorry to hear that. What was there name?
User: I, uh, hmmm. I don’t remember.
Mark: Was it Glen?
User: No it wasn’t Glen.
Mark: Was it (additional fictional names until the user pics one at random)?
User: Yes it was Bob! (Note: There is no Bob at the helpdesk )
Mark: I’ll be sure to address that with him as soon as I get off the phone. Now what seems to be the problem?
*User described problems that requires them to reboot*
Mark: Hold on let me look at the system.
*Mark then proceeds to type as loudly as possible so the user can hear it over the phone*
Mark: Ahh. It appears that there was a problem with the millennium transfunctioner. I had to make an adjustment if I could get you to restart you should be able to get right in.
User: Sure! *User restarts* That worked! Thanks so much!
Mark: You’re welcome. Have a nice day.
*Mark places flag on the user in the system to mark them as temperamental*

About an hour later this happens:

Mark: Please Hold.
*Mark goes outside and smokes a cigarette and then comes back*
Mark: Hey Glen. You want to be my supervisor?
Glen: Sure. Send them over. 

And that people is what happens when you ask for a supervisor.  So, Glen, What happens when your supervisor finds out about it? Who do you think taught us how to do that in the first place? I’ve pretended to be my supervisor’s supervisor on occasion. After I had been there a few years, I would be my own supervisor. At this point, I was the Team Lead at the helpdesk. I had my own cubicle office with a door! Of course the walls were only 6 ft tall and no roof, but hey it was a door! I could close it!

Glen: Thank you for calling Helpdesk this is Glen.
*Insert similar conversation like the above*
User:  I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!
Glen: Please Hold.
*Walk around office for a bit. Read article about Boston Red Sox and/or catch up on my webcomics*
Glen: This is Glen. How may I help you? *Note I used the same name, accent, and tone of voice as I’ve had for the entire call*
User: I want to complain about that person who I was just talking to.
Glen: Sure. What was there name?
User: uh, umm, I’m not really sure. Cliff maybe?
Glen: We don’t have a Cliff here. Was it (name of various employees including myself)?
User: No. It wasn’t them.
Glen: What about Clint?
User: Yes it was Clint!
Glen: Well I will address that with him as soon as I get off the phone. Now how can I help you?
At this point the user describes the problem again and I walk them through the exact same steps as before and this time they do what I ask of them and lo and behold it works.
User: That worked! Thanks so much! What was your name again?
Glen: My name is Glen.
User: Thanks so much Glen!

Two days later my manager gets a customer service recognition in the interoffice mail for me. Who nominated me? That very same user. 

 Hilarious.

Glen